I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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