I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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