my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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