Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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