my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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