it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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