I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
