just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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