It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
