I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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