that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
