He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize