The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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