I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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