Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
