we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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