I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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