considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
