you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
