yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
