he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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