Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
