I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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