i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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