fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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