I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize