how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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