Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
