So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
