dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
