The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize