I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
