i need an iv and a liver transplant
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
