Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
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