My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
