I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
