I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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