Don't you send me to vm
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
