Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
