All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
