I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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