life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
