Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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