I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
