May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
