Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There's always time for handjobs
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
