Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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