the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
