he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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