I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
