I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
