I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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