He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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