If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
