8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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