Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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