im having a threesome with these popsicles
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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