Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
