I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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