What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
