If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
