I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
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