ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
