We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
