she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
