I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
