I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
