Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
