My hand turned me down
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
