Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
