You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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