things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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