Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
