brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
