it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize