i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
