Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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