I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
