hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
