I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
