This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
