Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
