i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
