Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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