I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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