just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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