my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
barbara walters just said penis...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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