Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
