don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm like, not good at living.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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