We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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