just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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