Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
