bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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