She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
