did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
