he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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