i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize