How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
