last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
