i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
