Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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