Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
